I think i really like him...he was super cuddly and kept me company.
stop. you already have a dog
Do you know of any times in scooby doo when the monster turned out to be a real monster? You know not just a person?
so stoned i ashed in my jack and coke like 4 times. drinking it anyway
is there a reason why there is cup of piss in the fridge?
no
Just got a call at work, I have to consent to a random drug and alcohol test by end of business day, if you arranged this it's the best/worst April fools prank ever.
so, I mean this in the straightest way possible, but don't you ever just feel like you owe Jon Stewart a blowjob...
We made a trail of cheez balls so we knew how to get back to te apartment.
I knocked myself out momentarily last night when I fell and hit my head off of my jewelry box while trying to take his pants off... while he was passed out.
Because making bad decisions is what makes our house great and I don't plan on changing that anytime soon.
Vodka Vensday. With a Russian accent... It counts.
Eat your greens and take your tequila shots
I wish I could accurately explain the embarrassment of standing in your bathroom with women's nair on your ass waiting to get in the shower.
He was licking my ear while recommending that I shop at IKEA. I think he's my perfect guy.
So your telling me I can lick your ass but you CAN'T spend my money
I woke up in my bed with candy and beer bottles all around me and i dont know where any of it came from. I love valentines day.
Randomize
