Nothing says Christmas like gin and tears.
He went soft
Wait. During?
Yeah, he was IN. MY. MOUTH.
About to find out how well alcohol and lazer tag mix.
He practically bottle-fed me Jameson, like I was a baby chimpanzee on those nature specials.
my brother walked in while we were fucking, silently took my bong from my closet, saluted us and walked out.
i just remembered last night waiting for you to pick me up wearing my bra on my head to protect me from the rain
In the middle of having sex, she said "if we continue, we're dating." I then pulled out and sat in the corner, naked. I deserve a Medal of Honor.
You should've come to the party. It was like an identity parade of everyone you screwed last year.
It's one of those nights that you wish to god someone would booty call you, and then realize you'll just be stuck here with your poptart...
She kept pulling joints out of her bra and asking strangers for birthday hugs.
Got home last night and found a Big Mac in the shower, tampons all over the place, and two pairs of your panties on the front porch.
Not only did I get beyond cray cray this weekend. My body has nursed itself to plentiful and impeccable health. Fuck you world, I am back.
Girl I love you like I've been drinking all day
Besides, I'm booked tomorrow. I'm planning on drinking heavily and crying in the bath.
I don't know why this person would ask for help. It sounds pretty OK to me. Also, I'd steal those bagpipes.
Randomize
