you insisted on breathalizing me with a inhaler.
youre totally missing out on eating your boogers right now. my entire face is numb
I just want a box on franzia all to myself. Just me, my wine, my tears, & my self loathing.
weed salsa. i deserve a nobel prize
The cops walked in to class and arrested 2 guys for possession.
Driving by his house every hour is not stalking, it's a reconnaissance mission... How else can I confront him
Its not college unless your study breaks were to go throw up from blacking out the night before
She was pouring Goldschlager in my mouth during the shower sex. How can you NOT like her?
my mom called me mid shot and i accidentally answered and kept calling her my own name. somehow i thought that would help the situation.
I asked him to make me two boxes of macaroni and cheese. That's like eight servings. How did I think that was an okay amount.
i always handshake my one night stand, im classy like that.
One day he'll find out I do drugs and stop talking to me.
What will you do then?
Drugs, probably.
You said you're gonna end your night with a six pack and awful erotica
only 4 hours until nug lovin time
excuse me?
nug lovin. lovin nugs.
Let’s not dwell on the negatives. I have a fat ass and suck dick well.
Randomize
