I wanna eat
then frost
then eat your cupcake
Is it awkward that I've slept with every guy in this room?
Only if they know about it too.
I'm drinking away my Christmas cash. People are going to get bar receipts as presents.
Is it bad to go up to the security desk and ask them for the name of the guy I signed in last night? I have absolutley no clue
I know I am usually the slut but tonight it's her. She is being a slut, yes slut, T as in Tomorrow, U as in Uterus, L as in Llama and S as in Sangria. That spells slut, but backwards and that's what she is being.
My ex just called and told me that he is on his way to the hospital because he popped a vein in his dick. Should I go to the ER with him or class?
He tried to fight me not realizing that I work as a bouncer in the the same bar we were in. His night ended with him in handcuffs, missing teeth, PLUS I got his shots that he ordered since he didn't get to drink them.
P.S. I just watched The Muppets. I feel like I just got a sadness enema.
It might have taken me 30 minutes but I finally finished the toast I made. That hungover.
You just kept yelling and saying, "IM NOT GOING TO STOP YELLING UNTIL YOU TAKE THAT SHOT"
Do you participate in Sunday morning booty calls?
Dammit! I didn't see this message, of course I do.
just woke up on a lounge chair wearing a durag and holding burrito wrappers in my hands
Also... I'm unsure what to do with my face while someone is choking me during sex. Like I feel like its hard to look flattering.
"We hooked up and in the morning he emailed me his mix tape"
I was at a hookups house and peed in his sink so I wouldn't wake up his mom... drunk me is on a different level
Randomize
