Who haven't you slept with?
No one comes to mind.
So called my VP's house on Sunday drunk and told him that if he didn't hire me for the new position I would skull fuck his wife. They asked me to go home today. Thanks again Vodka
TXT her NOW! The phone is actually IN her Va-Jay-Jay!!
The crowing achievement of my life is still the time I made a 3 course meal out of things I found in the dumpster.
She introduced herself and then asked "have you ever fucked a girl with a cast?"
I trust that you have thought of something completely illegal for us to do this weekend.
im calling her cock vulture from now on
They woke me up at 4 in the morning screaming "drunk adventure time!" because they needed a sober chaperone. They made me walk them around the block shoeless.
If anyone from work finds out about us I will rip your dick off, sew it to your forehead and feed your balls to you like little grapes
I need a therapist, but moreover we are going to be really drunk.
I paused mid sex to tell him I wished I'd taken up barrel racing so I could ride better.
Intramural soccer game tonight. Be ready for blood. I haven't sobered up since thursday
I have a lot of questions this morning, most of them start with "Did I..."
My mother is even happier about me having a sugar daddy than I am
Looks like a sea otter shaved my vagina. Keep an eye out for me this weekend, no one can see this.
Randomize
