hey soul. what's that? you, dignity and pride are left for the night? coulda told me that before i vomited all over my mother.
So I've decided that when I turn 50 and have to have a colonoscopy I'm going to leave a surprise for the doctor to find.
I just realized I haven't had steady access to a woman's body since I was breastfeeding.
She told me I reminded her of the fair. And she wanted to deep fry my dick and eat it.
NoDDING MY HEAD LIKE uyuEAH MOViUNG MY HiPS LioKe YEAhhhhhhhhhhh
wow.
when i grow up i'm putting garbage disposals in all showers of my house so when you vomit in the shower its easy clean up
I have tardy slips. and absent slips if you don't show up to the bar. and trust me, if you are absent there will be a saturday school. I'm teaching you how to drink tonight.
These eggs taste like chocolate chip cookies. This is the best hangover ever.
Flaming shots last night. Missing an eye brow. There a connection?
I planned on emotionally scarring him for life this weekend. DAMN YOU PERIOD!
He went out to smoke and when he came back I was still in the same spot naked and unable to breathe.
All I could say was, "ladies and gentlemen, THIS is why I drive 30 mins"
Turns out the creepy dude who bought us tequila shots was the friend of a friend who then got us a table and several large bottles of champagne.
Never judge a man by his mustache.
Also, you should've bet on Team Liver.
We won.
USA USA USA
Not sure but if it exists I will find it and I will fill my face with it
I love you too, but sadly you're not as good at getting me out of bed as cocaine.
Randomize
