Ok I love you more. To infumty and beyong.
I tried to gradually lead her into my room but she wouldn't stop crying and quoting memoirs of a geisha
dude, the building's fire alarm was going off for over an hour last night and you didn't move
that's ok, when I'm passed out drunk I'm impervious to flame
I was just given a safe word. It's going it be an interesting night.
We need somewhere to take these girls. Otherwise it's a orgy in the Mazda.
dude there is absolutely no room for a slide in our room
Judging by my dry clothes and wet sheets, I think I might have gotten out of bed, pissed ON it, covered it up, and passed out on top of it
I'm fucked up. I can't drink anymore. We stole a cat.
I'm buying you potatoes, the least you could do is not ask any fucking questions and just say thank you.
Next time she asks for a ride to her "cousins" house and it turns out to be a booty call we're charging her for each mile.
He snapchatted me his dick and he's circumcised....BRB going to hug his Mom
Pretty sure I used toilet water to wash vomit off my face last night...
Just want to let you know thanks for setting the bar pretty low when it comes to girls.
Im 76 percent sure I took a fully clothed shower last night.
Wrong Cuomo but I had a dream last night in which I was very sexually attracted to Chris
Randomize
