When you only buy popcorn and condoms at the grocery store they know whats up.
This girl looks like a mixture of kathy griffin and bill walton. i havent decided if that is a good thing.
I just saw that your im name has '4eva' in it. Your man card has been revoked.
so apparently i worked out for over an hour last night. drinking is the only way i will ever get anything done
does pizza still have the 5 second rule in the bubble bath?
He's 11. You dont draw dicks on 11 year olds, i dont care if he ate your lasagna
Come, dress lightly, bring tequila...
I still can't believe you had sex with someone who willingly went by Peaches.
and i think wearing the clothes from last night are out of the question...was there mud wrestling there? because i look like a participated..with a cat.
The last text I sent him was about nachos. Frankly, if he can't respond positively to that he can fuck off...
Standing here wondering if its a good idea to cook pork chops in the toaster or not.
Wellp yesterday was spent absurdly hungover and today was spent in planned parenthood so I hope that's not an indication of the year to come
Just went to court for a citation. Guess who my DA was? That girl I ATM'd last weekend. No ticket for me!
This is an alert from the drunk police: you have reached the point of no return. Text messages past this point are illegible.
He took off all my clothes, fingered me, than said "would you be more comfortable if I was naked too?"
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