Well, its 5:30am and you haven't let me in, I guess ill go home
i want to fuck
?
it's pretty self explanatory
he was writing an apology letter to his liver in shakespearean english... That much fun...
there is a time and a place for ass-grabbing and that was not it.
as we waited for a manager to come open the door that we broke while having sex on the wall, we decided to go round two in the hallway before he came back.. god i love hotels.
The polaroid of me taking a test-tube of Jegar out of the gay guys mouth pretty much explains my trip to Spain.
Anne I just took two ambiens. I think my body is melting into my blow up bed. Like a stick of butter just slowly melting. And I'm alright. Don't be afraid. I'll be alright.
You're just jealous because you lost me and I ended up at another party licking Marshmallow Fluff bikinis off of lesbians.
First of all guys don't have walks of shame. Secondly there is nothing more epic than riding the skytrain in a toga while everyone else is going to work
I've honestly never felt so much emotion towards a wall
He yelled "I'm Bruce Springsteen!" when he came. This is why I don't sleep with guys from Jersey.
omg how embarrassing to not hear the delivery person knocking because you're singing "where are you Pizza" to the tune of "where are you christmas" too loudly
honestly the most stressful part of moving is the chance my mom will find my vibrator
Maybe if you would fuck your boss you would get string cheese too
1. I drank goldschlager 2. I fell in a bathtub and hit my head (hard) on a soap dish. 2. I sat in said bathtub talking to a random stranger on vacation from wyoming (who i met at a 711 looking for taquitos) for almost an hour. 3. We got kicked out of said bathtub by owner of bathtub. 4. We had sex.
Randomize
