Being alone has allowed me to flourish into a complete weirdo
What started out as a threesome has become me sitting here watching them have sex... Can I get a ride home?
My parents came down to check and make sure I wasn't into any mischief then proceeded to give me alcohol.
He was completely serious when he said my boobs were like "majestic white clouds."
Thank God I did Vegas bombs with those cops at their Christmas party. We should so be in jail.
he was holding the bottle like a running back yelling for security and the national guard as he was being tackled
We had sex under a tree in his boss's backyard, then I hooked up with his best friend. I don't even care how I got home.
I'm eating those little wheels of cheese and watching storage wars, this is the opposite of sex.
Girl it's 3:30 get your life together and come enjoy a bowl, some coffee and a brownie with me
Anyone see the sob who took the piñata?
All I remember is dance battling with a man named tom the entire time who kept buying me drinks so id say it was a success
So changing channels while she's on top is frowned upon. It's back to thinking about baseball again.
I can't hangout tonight, I have a phone sex appointment at 10
Drug test isn't today. Now I'm just sitting in this orientation with a bag of your piss in my pants
He drank an entire six pack, past out on the guest bed, woke up around 4AM, lifted & dropped my leg, then peed on the corner of the bed. When I told him where he was pissing he said "it's all the same babe."
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