he puts the penis in happiness.
I swear ... this hickey is a map to Amelia Earhart's whereabouts
hey as creepy as this sounds i still have your eyelashes on my desk
just when i thought we would make it home without incident he tried to walk a police dog
Being drunk at the hospital is better than i expected. I got to hide and play in the little kids waiting area. Btw no one is hurt
Stole every fake plant from the lobby and placed it in front of you're apartment door, Enjoy!
Trick or treaters just rang our doorbell
Give them the moldy beer cans, we need to get rid of those
I got to the party and found your shoes in a bag of Funyuns. You weren't even there.
We're like a dynamic duo.
Bisexual and Proud, Lesbian and Loud.
5% want to drink juice and feel better, 95% just want to touch your butt
I think my dove chocolate wrapper just told me to masturbate.
I just need to find a good handlebar mustache to sit on until I'm over that beard
I think getting right with the Lord should involve more than me and a bottle of tequila.
I'm talking to a corgi on tinder..wtf has my life come to
Who’s got two thumbs and just got laid in the administration building?
Randomize
