Nights like last night are what makes cleaning up the vomit in the morning worth it
fine. I googled it. you have to eat 5 to die so apparently I'm in the clear.
Hungover like ... in bed with the Brita pitcher and a straw, only opening one eye at a time.
I am getting drunk. And i'm going to paint my face and slide down the stairs like Pochahontas. Goodbye
I stole an ensure out of their fridge and started chugging it. That was when Maria made me leave.
There was a guy on the elevator dressed as santa in flip-flops giving away beer.
Because of him my new motto is "Keep calm and fuck a guy with a beard". Yes, I am serious.
There's a homeless man outside the bar. I have a toothbrush and toothpaste in my car. I think i'm going to give them to him. And they said drinking is bad.
You're so thoughtful.
I am broke enough to accept it. If I get poisoned, you can have my shoes
hell hath no fury like a questionably-gay best friend scorned
Also he said my vagina was sculpted by gods so there must be some feelings here.
We were high and the scary movies were scaring us too bad. Were all watching porn instead now
So there i was right, midnight, washing my junk off in my bathroom sink.
Im glad your laughing because im currently convincing my penis you didnt mean it and its all gunna be ok.
She dry humped my leg in the raw while I was still dressed, came, and then fell asleep on top of me. All I got was a bruised thigh. 2020 needs to end.
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