I mean I had a leg brace. It would have been irresponsible for me to be on top.
OMG the post office opened my dildo! "we sincerely regret the damage to your package"
Guys, right now i need a picture of a squirrel, preferably with one of you guys but not necessary.
If you could smell my eyes you'd understand the whole story
That's what you get for drunk dialing me to ask what kind of flowers I like while outside of a strip club, after telling me you "made it rain"
Does anyone know why "math wizard" is written on my arm?
Apparently, my drunken 3AM idea of safety is to send a GPS map of my location to someone 700 miles away. Seriously considering death as a viable alternative to this hangover. Death or Yuengling.
Drinking Fireball means never having to say you're sorry. Unless its at you're arraignment.
Whiskey chased with ice cubes? Here's a big FUCK THAT to that
Spent the majority of my senior year drunk. Graduate of 2011, I think 2011. Probably.
Some guy is in my phone as Pat McAwesome.
You throw up behind 1 mannequin and it's world war 3 in forever 21
It's like the dark age of my sex life being stuck here
On a side note. I slept with a stuffed giraffe last night. Found it in my bed when I came home and snuggled with it. Drunk me reverted to being 2
you said you were going to the bathroom. we found you an hour later laying in the backyard clutching a bottle of vodka while singing the beatles and crying
Randomize
