Let's make love on the newspapers that declare financial doomsday
Grinding on my ninth grade teacher. Dreams really do come true
i hope someone procrastinates by putting up the pics up...
sarah said she can't even post all of hers due to facebook indecency rules
Why yes actually, getting stoned and reading an AARP magazine IS totally where I wanted my night to end!
I just spent the last ten minutes making a timeline of my sex life. 2010 and 2011 I am calling "I can't believe Im still clean" years.
I want "hickeys on my ass" sex
My public calorie counter app is pretty much just a cry for help.
It's all fun and games until some random starts jerking it on the deck.
the 5 D's of Dodgeball literally just saved my life
he cancelled our romantic dinner reservations so we could stay home and watch a Rocky movie marathon and order pizza. i know i should be upset but i think i'm kinda in love.
I do NOT want my proposal story to start "...he was peeing on me and then..."
I am eating a king sized snickers in the strip club. Good morning.
Great. I broke up with him before he could like my selfie, now I'm down a like.
I found more straws in my beard this morning. Please stop doing that.
Interesting fact: if you wanted to rename a guy Jeff, just tell him you only fuck Jeffs. Magically whatever name he was using is actually his middle name cause he doesn't like going by Jeff.
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