I had to get a ride home from that girl that slept with 3/4 of the band
A true measure of a good friend is how long she responds to her friends drunken illogical texts. Youre a champ.
Jeff just maced a waitress...it's way too early for this.
Soooo how am i supposed to explain to my mom that i was admitted to the hospital but you kidnapped me within 20 minutes?
I'm single as of 11 minutes ago. I was the chick who drunkenly tried to climb into bed with you 2 weeks ago. Wanna make this happen?
he is like the poster child for std's. god i hope he meets a girl with teeth in her vag. that would serve him right
nothing says roomie bonding better than a sunday shroom trip.
I have their Unicorn picture in my shirt, and I just threw a Bud Light Platinum bottle through their window. We need to go now.
I get a nose bleed and my uncle is automatically giving me the "your doing lines off dashboards again aren't you" look
My dad handed me a drink and said, "This'll knock your dick in the dirt..."
I don't believe in coincidence. I believe in the stars aligning perfectly to sodomise me in public. Who ever said I was cynical?
Ethically, this is the worst thing I've ever done. Financially, however...
Ohhhhhh, that night......I need to stop drinking, almost all of my conversations that take place Wed thru Sun after 8:30 are one blurry haze.
Do you ever wake up and realize playing beer pong with your parents wasnt a dream? Your mom really beat you
He made me cum 3 times, then immediately after sex packed a bowl and passed it to me. Yeah.. I'll keep him.
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