At the hair cuttery. A father here with his daughter just answered his phone "ken's whorehouse"...Now I remember why I used to pay more for haircuts.
I find it ironic that homeless people are so good in bed
Just did shots with my boss to warm up for our sales call to Childrens Hospital. I love startups.
I had fun last night. We should have sex less often.
Just saw a woman with a Pomeranian in her bra. Way to step up your game Seattle.
We played "race the Jimmy John's driver". Order, then see if we can finish sex before the food arrives.
we used the bottom of a tampon for coke since no one had a 20 on them. My life has resisted to this.
My prof gave me extra credit for drawing a ninja on my paper and writing "ninja will up my grade"
Marking my student's "don't do drugs" posters while simultaneously texting my dealer, is this what being a grown up is like?
I just talked this guy out of hooking up with me and gave him relationship advice. Am I a good person now?
He said he was Greek American and that is why my legs slammed shut. During the World Cup there are only Americans.
Random one night stand with a guy that had a USA tattoo on his ass. Can't possibly get more American than that
im single, its not even nine am on Valentine's day and I've already gotten laid. suck it relationships
You tipped the Uber driver extra for taking your phone away while you were drunk texting
It’s just hard to believe you really care about me when u haven’t touched my dick in 2 months
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