Just passed a strip club with a Marquis sign that said 'tis the squeezin'
i really wish someone from a royal background would fuck me so i could literally say i was 'royally fucked'.
So i know you wont get this until you land, but if i'm late its cause i was having sex. being blunt and hope that explains things.
who knew i was capable of sobriety and human-like emotions all in the same night?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
he can show you his cooooock\nshining, shimmering, splendiddddd
He kept pouting and saying i cockblocked him and I kept yelling "I'm sorry...but the cock was never out to be blocked"
he doesn't sweat normal. maybe that's what THC smells like coming through the sweat glands...
She just won 2 Grammys at 17 and were sitting here hotboxing our half bathroom
My kid just put flowers in my hair to make me pretty, then showed my boobs to an entire playground. He's either the best wingman or the worst.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just found your ripped underwear on my chandelier. Care to explain?
See this is where I mess up.. I get distracted by the option of consistent sex and free beer
you should never start the day with a boob text. It can only go downhill from there
Like actually I will be single and sad and lonely for ever. Cheese will be my life partner. Robot sex is my future.
It's like the cookie assaulted me with being high.
My boss just offered me a vodka mixed drink at work I do not have a real job
Randomize