I miss you like a fat girl misses the prom.
All i learned in high school was how to sell drugs
i cant belive i got a ticket! i know what his dick tastes like!
Telling me its the beginning of school is like telling me the crown royal fairy has come back from vacation.
I ended up taking shots of whiskey and chasing them with potato wedges, I have never felt more Irish
I'm about to sell my hamster for weed money I'll call you in a few
So I just went to 3 different stores because there is no way I can walk out of one store with this many reeses and still have my pride.
Yeah, tell that to my thumb. Cause it was up my ass all night waiting for you.
I'm sorry I peed on myself in front of your boy toy. You should tell him I'm usually not that trashy. It was nice meeting him tho..
We got really high and he took a green marker and made my vagina into a Christmas tree.
I cuddled with a man named Pickles
It's like every time I'm baked I discover my fingers all over again.
Juice tastes so weird without alcohol
Fuck. Totally just had sex instead of studying for econ test in an hour. Gonna get fucked again. HELP ME WITH YOUR EXTENSIVE KNOWLEDGE OF ECON
I wanted to have a threesome but they’re TOO HETERO
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