considering you've had every STD known to man, you think if i sent you a picture of my dick (no homo) you could tell me whats growing on it?
i think i will get a tattoo on my butt that says "im not bluffin with my muffin", but i guess if i was serious, i would get it above my c-section scar
so I woke up and found tortilla in my belly button
Since when is my name a synonym for head?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
you freaked out because you thought your face lotion was cum in a bottle
we banged on the home plate. i wasnt even aware of the significance of where we were until afterwards hahaha
You came out of the bathroom, said "I'M DRUNK BUT I REMEMBERED TO WASH MY HANDS!" and then insisted that she smell them.
keep an eye on me. i'm afraid that after a few more drinks i'll ask to borrow his wheelchair.
I'm using my ex boyfriends dog to find a guy at the park I could see fuck buddy potential in. I'm the queen of irony.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
She just referred to her vagina as "this bitch".
I can't believe I paid your booty call for a ride home in cake.
soo how bad was i last night?
licking sour cream off of the table at pancheros bad.
Chris threw beer can at guy. Guy ended up being a fighter. Chris got his eye socket broke. Fighter got hand re-broke. Chris is passed out. Fighter is in kellys bed. everybody won last night. I think.
Too lazy to make dinner. Had chocolate and scotch instead. Check in with me in a half hour.
She fell off the bed and giggled until she passed out naked. It was really weird.
Probably not gonna date her.
Randomize