I'm sorry I'm just not ready to become vampire yet
Flying into Chicago for a few days, getting re-deployed in September, we should probably fuck
Kristina got the same text from you just now, she's sitting next to me, how many people did you send this to?
if you hear someone banging on your door early in the morning, it's me with some breakfast burritos, so don't be alarmed
I dont care about anyone or anything else I just want to make love to you on my air mattress
I found her in the trunk, smoking a cigarette, saying every girl should know how to get out of their trunk
I just woke up eating some beef jerky with my cat. I think she opened the bag for us.
He went to WalMart with $30 and came back with a watch, a basketball and an engagement ring.
But you're the one who should be jamming foreign objects into my vaj instead of an old weird lady. I mean, it is your birthday....
"I made out with someone too, but then he tried to fuck and I played dead"
I just spilled my beer on a five year old. She's crying but I can promise you I'm more upset.
THE SUPER HOT BARTENDER WHO LOOKS LIKE RYAN GOSLING JUST WALKED IN. BUT HE DOESNT EVEN WALK HE GLIDES. LIKE AN ANGEL.
I fucking hate humanity. I met a twenty three year old adult with an aol email account today. I'm not sure how those things are related, but I'm sure they are.
you asked me how to turn on the ladder
One lesson I've learned so far from college: You've always got time for one more shot. Always
I just discovered my new vice. Cotton candy vodka. Its like a carnival in my mouth, puking of the tilt-a-whirl included.
Randomize
