Going to bed naked. Too bad I am all alone. Need to make some changes. Either sleep with clothes or with you
Do you think red sox nation has an official powerpoint template/memo format for resignations of manny support, bandwagon applications, and other official business?
I opened up her dishwasher and all I found was a spoon, a juice glass and all her sex toys.
You called me twice to tell me that you spit in your own eye, when I was right next to you.
Dude, just look at these fucking curtains and chill out.
I booty called her while she was in labor.
How many beers are too many "cause it's Archer Thursday" beers?
Just stabbed myself in the face trying to lick melted cheese off a kitchen knife.
Bring single women, or taken women who are unhappy with their relationships, or women who are happy with their relationships but have low moral standards, or women who just like to remove clothing when drunk (relationship status is unimportant for this option)
I bought everclear. Bring your party pants and some addies
You're not gonna punch me in the face again are you?
He's laying next to me passed out dressed as a hooters girl
I bet he's a super pretty hooters girl
Well, she yelled at the stripper that she couldn't lick whipped cream off his nipples because she is lactose intolerant.
If I make it through this whole bridesmaid process without anyone knowing that I actually hate everyone but the bride, including the groom, I deserve a complimentary bottle of vodka.
I got my period on eclipse day. I'm officially in line with the moon.
But at least i made friends with the nice lesbian cop. She knew i was her kind when she had to confiscate my rainbow/pride rolling papers.
Randomize
