And, I saw Emily's panties. How? She doesn't sit like a lady.
She described it as "a squirrel being hit by a hurricane"
While we were having sex he told me "this is what you get for not parking my car right" I have never drove his car. He was that kind of weird.
drunk doesnt even begin to explain it. he said he was going to get playing cards from the lobby and came back 20 minutes later with a full set of sheets.
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What happened to "I wouldnt even touch her with a ten foot pole"?
Her vagina devoured it.
At one point I went looking for you and found you handcuffed to a chair. I'm pretty sure you handcuffed yourself. I don't know how you got there.
This year i'm grateful for nothing other than the discovery that the uncircumcized rumors about him were wrong
Sounds like it could have been the night you pulled out your love stump at the strip club.
Went home with a dude from UF last night. Just dripped chicken onto my phone and then licked it off. Going to pick up a bridesmaid dress. Mid 20s in a nutshell.
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Ehh, the third backed out. Two still isn't bad. Who gets a bootycall to pick them up from a bootycall's house anyways? Only me.
so my dads pretending to use the snow blower and theres absolutley no snow one the ground.... someone should really lock our liqour cabinet
I just went to cvs and bought condoms, handcuffs and a coloring book
I am just High Enough to train A-Team of bodybuilding squirrels MMA techniques to tear you asunder. And it's not that I want to is just don't you make me do it!
there is glitter all over my balls
Guess how much it costs to flush your pants down the toilet?
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