No, we're smoking outside. We're hot boxing the world.
I'm drugging my best friend. I'm like a whole new level of bitch.
The chlamydia really affected his face.
A big toe in my vag is not foreplay.
Listen man, there's two things I know about in life: porn and sound. On a day that I'm wearing khakis, I need you to trust that I know what the fuck I'm doing.
Let's celebrate that I used a condom
Yes. Ice cream tacos are an important aspect in the bridge of friendship
I made out with a guy dressed as the pdx airport carpet.
Portlandia didn't prepare you for that?
I NEED A MOM FRIEND. NOW.
I forgot wine drunk hurts
Your aunt just offered to blow me for a ride home....how did you end up such a prude?
I think I left my thong in your bed. Careful. It has the power to destroy the agitator on a washing machine
I just threw up on the way to class. Legit, on the sidewalk by psych building.
THAT WAS YOU? Psych prof just pointed out the window and said "that kids, is why you don't pregame before class"
Like Napoleon Dynamite?
Exactly like Napoleon Dynamite
But with bacon.
He gave me an ambien and I woke up with a raw chicken bone in my purse. I have no idea why but I hope I put it in his butt
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