I created a new tequila drink. it is a mix of excitement and fear instilled in innocent people.
Last night started off great but became the saddest day of my life when i was drunk in a hotel room eating day old mac and cheese out of a yatzee cup with a coffee lid as a spoon...
my entire walk over here no one looked in my eyes. Period Boobs are BAACKKK.
So he saw that playlist i made with his name as the title. i think he's creeped out that I have 106 songs that remind me of him
they told me her nickname is "wizard sleeve"
pick me up NOW
I hope the walls stop moving before my manager notices that i'm still drunk.
How did you make it to work sans hangover?
4 words: Clif Bar soaked in tequila. Just like albert pujols
My liver is begging me not to go, but sadly enough for him my feet and hands control me getting there.
Was behind a guy going 20 for 4 miles I'll be there as soon as the universe quits fucking me
Want to know what makes for a better story than treehouse sex? Getting busted during treehouse sex
If I don't have the money by then, I'll pay you in sex.
It's going to be 23.5 times of sex and 19 blow jobs. I just googled it.
You climbed out your own window and walked in the front door..
I'm all dressed in my outfit from last night, and I'm not even the sluttiest person in Walmart right now. God bless Miami.
when you wake up naked in a bed with glowsticks, a rolled ankle, a hangover, and a condom; alone. you wonder shit
Did you see her happy birthday to emily on facebook? The gist of it is like: hey emily you almost died at birth im glad you didn't. love mom.
Randomize
