i just told my mom tuesday boozeday rhymes so that she can remember not to text or call me on wednesday mornings
youre going to kill that woman one of these days
No now hes going to beat me to our goal of getting someone to have sex in the library. I hate periods.
I don't know what to judge you more for.
I don't want to talk about her cat for two hours only to dry hump till I'm blistered. Not worth it.
Haha, you kept saying the cop was going to give you a ride home b/c "that's his job, it's summer."
I took his sheets with my when I left seeing that I underestimated my period. Also grabbed a 6-pack out of the fridge because breakfast is the most important meal of the day & I don't do other peoples laundry for free.
Taking shots with an iv of fluids in, because I work tomorrow. That's responsibility. Employee of the month right here.
Ripped lines in the bathroom before my presentation.. Got bonus marks for my enthusiasm.. This is why I love drugs
You know where a good place to spend summer is? In your head. High as shit. It doesn't matter where you are.
Nothings harder than putting on a frozen condom.. or should I say softer
I will now send you explicit pics of mine and her genetalia bound together forever in the devils dance that is sexting.
First sunburned tits of the season. And it's only April... I feel like it's going to be a good summer.
Right now you and beer are my only friends.
It's Friday you fucking nerd of course I'm drunk.
I have blood and BBQ sauce all over my shirt. I blame you for the blood.
You where banging on the wall asking us where we hid the door...you then crawled under the deck thinking you'd be safe. I told you to eat the nachos before the party...I told you.....
Randomize
