I wish everyone could be as happy as the people in the laxative commercials.
i was like a deer caught in headlights with its coke-dick hanging out
The online application for Mcdonald's said I could do incredible things there. Today I threw out shit filled underwear in the women's restroom and escorted a very drunk/high 42 year old man outside after he ordered a 5 dollar foot long and a bloody mary.
my goal is to masturbate without thinking about my exbf.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I dont care how high you are "yes" is not the correct response to "what do you want from Taco Bell" Mom.
Been in bed for 16 hours. Haven't eaten in 18 hours. Haven't pissed in almost 20 hours. Fuck you Stacey and your former reign as laziest bitch. I got the title now.
So I come back home and a huge flock of enormous vultures are on my roof
They're waiting for you to die
I think my nap took me to another dimension
I need a nap, Harry Potter movies, and dick in this exact order after work.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Instead of saying hi she asked if she could touch your dick through your ski bib and NOW I understand why you wore it to the bars
You either got a dog, or you have a boy over. I can't tell from the noises which it is.
Dilemma. I'm out of wine and I can't put on clothes to go to the liquor store bc I just got spray tanned. If this isnt white girl problems I don't know what is.
Also while I’m drunk I saw your penis in like 4th grade when I walked past the boys bathroom
So much for no-infidelity-fridays....
I love how when he said ecstasy pills both of our heads whipped around like a couple of horned owls.
Randomize