Last night i stole a disco ball from a frat house by pretending i was pregnant.
so she asking me "is it okay to have dangling labias?"
you left your dildo in my car
rules of finders keepers apply
I have a new drinking limit. I'll stop when I know I'm going to untag the picture that was just taken of me.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Reindeer Drinking Games will soon commence. Get over here while we're still sober enough to answer the door.
my breakfast just consisted of gushers (made with real fruit!) and they're trying to tell me im not eating right?
he pretended not to hear me say our safety word. how do you think I feel?
you tipped EVERY employee at white castle
The last thing I remember is pushing my way into the bathroom and dumping a 40 on him. We havent talked since.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I found a fingernail in my vagina. A fingernail.
Was there a Canadian at your party or did I dream that?
I could see myself being this awkward weirdo drunk girl that patted strangers and danced terribly but was powerless to stop it
man sorry about that. It's like god was willing me to be an asshole. I haven't filled my quota for the day
If we hadn't just agreed to no commitment, i'd totally propose right now. Best. Fuckbuddy. Ever.
I woke up on the couch screaming in pain. I don't know how ended up there or why my foot was double the size. all I know is I'm now in a cast and never drinking tequila again. worst hangover ever.
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