it felt great physically, but AWFUL morally.
I hope you get used to having plenty of sperm because you're never gonna get any.
Did we have sex last night?
I think that was the general idea until I got you undressed and you puked on me.
i know this sounds kinda weird but his cock smelled like fabric softener. it was so refreshing.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Drunk in a canoe getting pulled by a lawnmower thinking of you
Please make the clown in the corner stop judging me. I mean he's the one with paint on his face. I don't need him judge judying me.
Things bear mace does not do: repel bears. Things bear mace does do: piss off bears, give bystanders asthma attacks. Lesson learned
I just picked up a hitchhiker so karma will be on our side this weekend. Hahahahahaha
No.
You told me that you were mad me because I wouldn't let you 'explore my castle'. Then you said I smelled like a hospital and passed out.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Post breakup Disney World may be my best idea ever! Tinkerbell just grabbed my dick and gave me a kiss! This really is the happiest place on earth!
I never thought the most recent texts on my phone would be with ASAP ferg and my ex...
Apparently duct taping your dick to your buttcheks before the first time she goes down on you isn't as funny as projected. She cried because she thought I was a girl the whole time.
All I've had to eat today are potatoes...and by that I mean vodka and chips
You're the air beneath my wings and the lookout when I pee
Sorry I missed your call. I was in the shower washing away my sins and sweat. Please tell me you want to get drunk as shit later.
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