if i had a camp nickname it would be Flick Bean
Now I'll never know if Megan finds a millionaire.
the biggest problem in our relationship is that im team edward and my boyfriend is team jacob
His little brother walked in on us. Six times.
I had a pretty decent weekend -- aside from dropping the baby on her head. That.. That I feel bad about.
She just looked down there and said "i breed horses. this is better than anything ive ever seen."
I don't go on dates. I watch tv and play with dicks. dinner is a situation.
They have chocolate covered tequila candy at work. This is not a drill. May be drunk by noon.
Oh no I would never do that to her. But when you're single again let me know. Cheating penis is definitely better than single penis. But she has claws.
her wearing orange crocs at the bar was definitely a great form of contraception
All three of us got laid last night. This is what is commonly referred to as the Trifuckta.
If the ex isent in town and im crying under a table somewhere because of it can we go to a drag show or something
drinking vodka out of a wine glass to feel a little bit classier about myself.
I'm gonna go take a shower so I can cleanly change into my drinking underwear.
I don't think getting eaten out in a smart car behind a circle-k on my break by a guy I just met classifies as social distancing, but I'm beginning to love night shift more and more.
Randomize
