I just woke up surrounded in unopened snacks
my elementary bus driver served me drinks last night. He hooked me up
You dont understand. she was my french AND spanish teacher. that's 2 kinds of freaky. i have to find her on facebook.
was i strangled at any point last night? or was his dick just that long
Actually, you don't want to see me.. reached an all time low drinking kahlua out of the bottle concealed in a macdonalds bag
You know you're old when tea and a hot bath are more appealing than beer pong with lesbians.
You installed a beer holder in the shower?! You're the best roommate ever!
... That's a shower caddy.
I believe this is a toe-mate-toe vs. toe-maut-toe situation.
Um, you were throwing up the shocker symbol in front of all of the wedding guests during the best man's speech. No wonder the groom thinks we're bad
.......The other day I peed on him in the shower....he was trying to touch my boobs and I wanted my space.
I just sold my hat for three car bombs. I call that a win.
I should've realized you were drunk when you began to point at my crotch while yelling "Funland!!!"
White girls? They're everywhere. In packs. Drunk white girl packs.
He told me to take off work and bring a bathing suit. If this doesn't involve six flags hurricane harbor or sex in a hotel pool I'm going to be disappointed.
I'm sorry that running around town like a frenetic wombat trying to find you KY jelly isn't good enough for you.
just call my name and ill be there, if we are puking, beating up bitches, or pickin up men, OR avoiding wierd men, so many situations require a wingman
Randomize
