i want to bang the Snorg tees girl.. shes always smiling ;)
My history teacher just took his shirt off cuz the classroom was to hot. And then he invited us all to join him.
Have you ever chased with pilaf before? Because dont.
When they saw it was the 7th inning of the baseball game one took off running for the beer stand while his friend is yelling "BUY THE KEG"!
I swiped a lunchable and a gatorade from my one night stand's fridge, does it count as a date now since a meal was included?
I have a plus one for the Blackout Express, should I pen in your name?
there's a strong possibility i came on your eyeliner last night bathroom sex was unplanned and rather messy sorry
Me too, I feel like I pinched your nipples excessively. At the time it seemed like a good idea, but in retrospect I'm not so sure.
I figured working in my office on the 34th floor I'd be safe railing xanax off my desk. Of course, I snort it just in time for the window washer guy to give me a thumbs up.
He talked for 3 hours straight on how his dad is a dentist how fuck do you think my night was
I don't know if I want to fuck him or punch him in the face.
Do you think the police would frown on me opening a psych drug pharmacy on the side? Just to dispose of my drugs without polluting the water supply! It is for the animals!
There's a rash on my genitals that would like a word with you.
How hot? Like... how many hemsworths?
Welcome aboard the S.S. struggle. I'll be your captain for today's voyage and Jeremy is your first mate. Just sit back and relax while we navigate the seas of drunken regret. Your forecast for the day is violently hungover with a chance of "shit, that really did happen!"
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