I have a feeling that after last night, i'm not just going to hell. i'm going to hell on a full scholarship. free admission bitches
ugh. people who use coupons make me wanna punch a baby.
Considering the last guy I had sex with was gay, this was a huge improvement.
You were trying to swim on the floor while eating a hot-dog bun and laughing about how much you hate bread and didn't understand why you were eating it..
Pissed along side the highway while waving at all the traffic... if thats not a sign of a productive night to come then idk what is
I respect the size of her balls.
Yeah but I don't respect the size of her anything else.
I found your knife. It was stuck in my bedroom ceiling.
He convinced the breakfast vendor to melt twix bars on bacon for me at 4am. He slurred every word. I think I found my prince charming.
Is it weird that I'm looking up pubic hairstyles?
Woke up this morning with a darth vader helmet and a bath robe on with my toenails shitly painted
Today is a shit your pants at work kinda day
I just wanted to tell you that the German word for "dickhead" can also be translated as "ass violin" and I think that's beautiful.
I wasn't even hungover I was just mourning my dignity
was that the third sophomore you've banged this week?
third one in three days
I mean metaphorically. Literally zombies have yet to invade. Let's be rational here.
Randomize
