Dude, just walked by a homeless guy pissing on the sidewalk while he was screaming at his wang. God, I love this city.
I just spent an unhealthy amount of money overnighting a full adult sized Trix Rabbit Halloween costume
i just found a cheeto on my floor and ate it. i might still be drunk.
she said 'i love fried rice', threw a condom at me and passed out naked.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i almost burnt down an apartment complex. little busy, get back to you later
Delete her number from his phone. He keeps slurring how he's going to get her "all sorts of pregnant".
Take off that red sweater and wear my vagina as a facemask.
Any man who has a face like that and a bike, deserves a vagina like yours permanently.
Putting all my energy Into finding a polite way to ask my mailman to fuck me in his car.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Pitting the remainder of the bottle against my hangover. I'm expecting an all out cage match for my soul and wellbeing.
Shit. I'm running the whole hotel right now. The front desk girl had to run home because she left her vibrator on the counter and her brother, mom, and grandmother surprised her and are showing up to her place before she gets off work. This will end badly no matter what.
FYI, grandma is already drunk and using a bed sheet as a table cloth.
I never thought I'd say this, but I think I just saw the hottest pregnant chick alive.
Emoji's do wonders when you actually have nothing at all to say..
He literally had a Trump sign in his front yard. I just can't now.
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