sorry about last night, sometimes people just get drunk and have sex witht heir friends
I know, I was there.
Funny, my mom didn't get it when I said 'that's what she said' after she said 'it's so thick, it's impossible' in reference to my milkshake
'fingered' and 'feelings' NEVER belong in the same sentence.
In hindsight, the torn ligament in my knee is probably the fault of the ginbucket and jager bombs starting at 3pm. I guess I'll stop blaming it on you.
I thought about puking over the balcony or the bathroom and figured the balcony seemed much funner.
He turned down jacuzzi sex. He cares more about my vagina than i do.
im that hungover where parking at red lights has to be done
If I'm going to start compromising my butthole it's going to be for much better drugs than a ventolin
I just contemplated drinking cheese dip. And by "contemplated," I mean "attempted and was forcibly stopped from."
There is not enough whiskey in the world to get me through what happened on Pretty Little Liars tonight.
First world problems.
When I die I just want my headstone to my name, date of birth-death, and TEQUILA!!
You're too young to have this sort of Grizzled Old Drunk In Roadside Bar wisdom.
He was pretty bad, I wanted pizza the whole time.
Apparently I was directing traffic outside of Keeneland. Apparently I'm not a police officer. Who knew....
After I spend a passionate night with my vibrator, I have to awake and face my stuffed animals. Their beady eyes are full of shame and disappointmet. I can't deal with that level of judgement.
Randomize
