Being hungover naked and coloring my hair. I guess I am not naked I have black latex gloves on. Give me a call.
im coming over.
i wonder if detective benson from law and order takes those handcuffs home. i bet she does.
i cant get the smell of ass out of my nose
I can get orange kush...
GET IT NOW! WHY IS THERE A DOT DOT DOT?!
Woke up in my underwear and Christmas sweater. Only. Eggnog has won the battle but not the war.
We now know how the night ended in arrest according to the flip camera I did 10 handle pulls and beer bonged a 40. My life choices are getting worse and worse this is your fault.
Should I take my grandma to a keg tomorrow or not? Serious question
I watched you fall asleep, sitting up, eating a cinnamon roll. You proceeded to wake up...smile at your cinnamon roll, ask it how it got into your hand and then began eating it again. You asked me if you were ridiculous last night, define ridiculous.
I received a sext from my girlfriend, and a deal for free chips and guacamole at chipotle at the same time. I have tasted heaven, and it is beautiful.
I came home to him frying bacon to put in his beer. He said bacon beer lights, taste the awesomer rockies
He said my vagina is harder to escape than the Temple of Doom.
Then again I went over his house after not hanging out since kindergarten and tried to fuck him so maybe I'm partially to blame here
MY LIFE IS A TRAINWRECK THATS ON FIRE BUT SOMEHOW STILL MOVING, I HAVE THE RIGHT TO SCREAM OUTSIDE AT 2AM
Right?? Give me some apple scented candles and I'm a fall wet dream
next time you go get food at three am and leave a rando here can you warn me??? Also i tazed him. but it was just my little one so i think he'll be fine. bring me some fries.
Randomize
