i was considerably less excited after they told me my present didnt have a penis
She was perfectly content just sitting in the middle of everyone blowing bubbles in the air.
Haha o man how much you've grown. From beer bonging wine and wearing cargo shorts to well, beer bonging beer and wearing cargo shorts
he went to have surgery in the morning and apparently they found lip gloss on his dick
don't tell me about being eco-friendly. i just threw up in the same bag i bought my liquor in. RECYCLING
he just hooked up with some chick in a bedroom upstairs so I just went to sleep in the pantry closet...
I got kicked out of the men's bathroom at the diner last night because i was straddling the sink attempting to pee with pants on. Beat that.
Just got your message from Saturday. Shove all the kittens down your pants? Really?
I was emotionally compromised.
At least one of us had a weekend full of money and dick
im dying and naked and this is what youre living with next year.
I was looking at the storm clouds during my run and one oddly resembled ur penis
He showed up to a booty call with 2 tea bags, but no condom...
I think putting on real pants was half my issue with today
He screamed like a woman when he came then proceeded to sing "you [we] are the champion" by Queen. I think I'm in love.
ONE DAY CAN WE PLEASE HAVE SECRET SEX. PREFERABLY IN AN ANCIENT PYRAMID BUT I'M NOT OPPOSED TO A 4 STAR HOTEL
Randomize