New dating criteria: what kind of ex will this person be?
he ate out my asshole, i really don't think he gets embarrassed easily.
First day at work... I clogged up the office toilet on purpose to assert my dominance.
I woke up this morning to my phone notebook open and written was "reasons why I'm a whore in chronological order" then it listed everybody I've had sex with in the past five months.
No more tipping the bathroom attendant with your phone.
He could tell i had a fever by feeling my tits. He gets docter of the year.
We convinced the Dj to let us play musical chairs...... I won by the way.
i'm scootering my little heart out so i'm not late for a weed pickup. this is the meaning of adolescence
I threw up in the kitchen on the floor and a guy tried cleaning it up with a spoon at a party.
Sweet tea and masterbation. It's how I manage.
DON'T PUKE iN THE PRINGLES CAN, WHATEVER YOU DO!
Bed, food, and you got really nice boobs. That's it really. Foundations of friendship right there.
Cleaning naked can be dangerous. Vacuum cord got stuck on my belly button ring...
Come over. I have beer, your weird ass vegan pizza, and a raging hard on.
Marry me.
Gave a guy a blowjob in a convent. Place in hell is now secured...
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