The only reason why I invited him to my party was because he is suicidal.
Our whole friendship has just been time foreshadowing my dick in your mouth.
she didnt realize that i was putting on the same condom i used the night before with some other girl
Just saw pictures of a pregnant teen from my hometown with an American flag wrapped around her naked body posted on FB without irony. These are my roots.
drunk grocery shopping was not as bad of an idea as i thought, this salmon cat food tastes a lot like tuna
I don't think people appreciate how hard it is to fuck in a portapotty. Sarah and I had train for that shit.
Just tapped my penis on the head and said "this will be your year buddy."
I may have to marry her. She is smarter than me and has a six figure job and doesn't want to have kids. All I have to be is a trophy husband.
Totally clawed myself in the face during sex. I can die happy?
I have fuck me eyes 4/5 people agree. It's like doctors or dentists but with ppl who have lots of sex and know these things.
My dick pics could make it to the popular page on Instagram.
YOU BETTER NOT BE SHAVING YOUR LEGS RIGHT NOW IM TRYING TO HELP YOU
omg how embarrassing to not hear the delivery person knocking because you're singing "where are you Pizza" to the tune of "where are you christmas" too loudly
They call you PBJ boy because you were trying to seduce me with pieces of a peanut butter and jelly sandwich. Successfully might I add.
I think I broke my dick but 10/10 would definitely do it again.
Randomize
