After last night I still want u
But please keep that on the DL
She was hit by a car at 47 mph and lived. That explains everything.
Hes far too high and trying to explain daylight savings time to me. Help?
Sorry about the voicemail last night, people in hostel thought getting the clap from cheating on me wasn't enough and you hearing a 6 foot 5 Swedish dude bang the shit out of me was needed.
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I just ate a dove chocolate and the wrapper said "chocolate: always your valentine" WHAT KIND OF JACKASS WRITES THESE AND WHY MUST THEY MOCK ME?
Plus, I've always wanted to drive in rush hour with a huge cock drawn on my hood
And I might get them triple pierced after that
Damn, I didn't realize you'd declared war on airport metal detectors
You should not be allowed to go away on the weekends I plan on getting drunk on. I need someone to stop me from punching this guy in the face. It's simple room mate etiquette.
You take a step back sometimes and are like "when was the last time I was sober?" or "wow I need to stop putting everything in my vagina"
Is this an intervention?
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You will never be paid again to get drunk and tell off cops without being arrested. Once in a lifetime opportunity
You're right. Fuck my job. I'm in.
He was peeing on the back wall of a building. He would have been okay if the building hadn't been a police station.
Not as great as when your drunk mom grabbed my junk, but better than when your sober grandma sacktapped me and grabbed my butt.
Idk woke up on the suite in someone else's clothing and actually broke my ankle
He had a flex off with himself in the mirror but he thought it was someone else for at least 20minutes.
Blueberry probiotics greatly increase to the masturbation experience. Try it dude. It’s all the rage
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