woke up in a shopping cart using a keystone box as a blanket. how was your night?
Mars, I'm going to name my child horatio mars. He will hate me till he gets high. Then he'll understand
can you come back were all locked out and alyssia's still inside passed out on the floor but more importantly i left a beer in there that's not finished
I maybe late, he's in a peeing contest with the neighbor's dog. Currently he's in the lead.
Good. I hope they all got E.Coli from snorting coke off of some homeless prick's asshole.
Its completely acceptable to go naked under my graduation gown right?
Some ppl might frown upon it but theyre prudes
If we accept the love we think we deserve do we also accept the sex we think we deserve?
We should drive around in your Jeep on snow days and get stoned while we help random strangers stuck in the snow. So much good karma.
FYI, announcing your arrival at jail with "Hi,yes, I'm checking in? I believe I've reserved a bed, a 2 night stay this weekend?" is, in fact, frowned upon
I have to remind myself to breathe. That hungover.
I feel horrible. I brought her to your house like a late night pizza delivery and dropped her off.
For both our sake, we've decided to ban watching combat sports before sex
this is the second day the intern has gotten me coffee. he either wants to bang me or thinks I'm more important than I am.
either way he's in for disappointment
We're in a hurricane and you send me a video of you playing with your dick while driving! You wanna die?!
When he said he lived in a closet I thought he meant his room was really small or something... But he actually has a queen size mattress on the floor of his roomates walk-in closet.
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