The worst thing about having a parent with a prius is that they can walk in on you without any warning
just paid a stripper to have a minute conversation about the arizona game WTF
she gave him a mild concussion from throwing him against the wall in an attempt to dance with him. gotta love monday nights at the sandbar.
my hippie aunt just sent me some brownies with a note saying not to eat them under any circumstances until finals are over. excited.
as you might have guessed from my lack of texts, the herpes have calmed down.
DONT EVER DUNK OREOS INTO WINE . NEVER
today is just not my day... it could be raining penises and I would get hit in the face by a vag
Please don't smoke the bong in the bathroom while you shit. It is not a shitting bong.
She was purple for Halloween. She literally spray-painted herself purple and called it a costume. It won't come off.
Then me, her, and her mom snorted tequila. The bartender was in shock.
Its mothers day, andI woke up with 12 bar stamps on my face, holding orange juice and a box of tampons. This can not be happening
Dude I woke up and he was pissing in the corner on his clothes... I called his name an he replied " I got this" and continued.
You kept hiding under tables and grabbing people's legs and shouting SHARK ATTACK.
THE FASTEST WAY TO MY HEART IS THROUGH FAMILY SIZED BAGS OF GENERIC BRAND CHEESE BALLS
Dude I left his house at 5:30 a.m. after you peed on his front door and then tried to fight me for my blanket. Don't even do that at my house or I will end you.
hahahahaha. Worst. Text. Ever.
Randomize
