Let's make love on the newspapers that declare financial doomsday
You lit the bowl with a rolled up paper towel that you ignited on the stove.
If I die on my trip, you're my chosen person. Nightstand-vibrators. Computer-iphoto naked pictures. I hope you feel honored.
Just pooped at the strip club. NOT NORMAL . I may be a little too comfortable here.
Let me begin my 3 part apology by saying that you are a wonderful human being...
you said you wanted to feel how much my penis weighed for educational purposes
Also, I am ligit concerned that I might compulsively start collecting vibrators like Pokemon.
Yes, you can 69 in a fiat. But I think I have permanent nerve damage
I dont care if your mom convinced you it should be an abstinent christmas. I did horribly on finals and i'm out of booze, so you will get over her and FUCK. ME. NOW.
Welp just pooped in a garbage can. Guess I'm not better than you at life in any aspect.
I'll get him an axe as a present. So he can break out of his closet. That axe being my penis.
I just threw up all of my lunch in the Barnes & Nobles parking lot. Rockbottom tastes like a veggie burger, in case you were wondering.
Guess who just set half their backyard on fire.
Please tell me youre joking.
Nope. on the brightside though, im really gonna quit smoking this time.
Sorry I threw up all over your Lyft.
It's ok I woke up next to a dumpster.
My psychiatrist just sent me a dick pic
Randomize
