u think ur still drunk from last night? i just put the eggs in the freezer and the remote in the sink. I don't wanna fucking hear it.
Ive made peace with the fact that i will accomplish nothing except liver damage today
im sober
you just pulled your sweatpants out of your bag and thanked them for being alive
I've thrown up in front of nearly every customer we've had today.
The number of males in the usa getting circumsized are decreasing. Keep this in mind when we become cougars
Everytime Our professor said "penis fencing" in class today we took shots.
yea talk to her if you feel up to it. Just remember who you are
Oh shit sorry I just gave lion king advice sorry not mufasa
I also made him write a nonfiction romance novel about what happened and to give it to me when the time was right
I hate to stick you with the friend but I did all the work.
So you just held his hand and he fucking came...?
I cannot believe I am seriously having a conversation about my best friend's sexual prowess as a dream lesbian.
She's dancing around licking a fork of nutella. She is not sober.
I’m going to fail his daughter so she stays in my class and I can keep fucking him. BEST. ORGASMS. EVER.
Then you can teach the kid to be a home wrecker
You're like a care bear with a big cock & a sexual prowess that would put the mighty Thor to shame.
He has to be employed and covid free. That’s my standard. I can’t be picky. 2020 has killed my sex life.
Randomize
