Hey man sorry I got all grabby
So. Did i wake up at 430, try to drive home, stop to throw up at a shell, and try to clean out my car and drop my keys in a full dumpster? Yes.
The producers of Marley and Me owe me about $5 million. That's the dollar amount of embarrassment compensation required for making a 24-year-old male cry publicly on an airplane while sitting in the middle seat between a gorgeous babe and a guy with a do-rag
Ambien does the same to me. One time that I took it, I got this huge bowl of spaghetti out of the fridge and thought it was a castle and that the meatballs were little slaves. I ate all of them first and then the noodles were the soldiers and the sauce was the water in the moat. And when I finished, I fell up the stairs and threw it all up.
Wow i just got reported to security for being a homeless person trying to break into the library.
whos cum tastes better, a guy who drinks apple juice or cranberry juice?
if I die on the way please explain to my mother that I do not wear fishnets on a regular basis
The guy who was The Count on Sesame Street died this week too. Therefore, you should take multiple shots, count them, & go "ahh aaahh aaaahhh" after each one. I expect video...
Indeed. Apparently I called my sisters and told them I wouldn't get arrested because it's not a real sword.
I'm not gonna lie. The only reason I haven't drank a whole bottle of crown tonight is because we only had 3/4 of a bottle left.
The UTI came back with a vengeance.
I'm here. Help me get the salsa and bong inside.
Whoever jacked off in MY pong room on the bean bag with your fucking googles pick up your fucking cum towel you gross disgusting fucks. I said NO MORE jacking off in that room. I swear I will empty it out if this is going to continue.
Who's phone is in my pants and why did I wake up clutching a handle of vlad?
Who cares if he’s younger, he’s hung like a moose. Your vagina will never forgive you if you pass on that dick
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