It's what's on the inside that counts(972): They probably have big open vaginas so the inside is no good
Am I the only person who thinks Megan Fox looks totally like a Thai lady boy with a serious tanning bed fix?
why do all canadians talk like horny gerbils are stuck in their throats?
It makes me feel uncomfortable and unsafe when he licks my pants
he said I was the best sex he's ever had, handed me a burger king crown and told me to take my walk of shame with pride
all i remember is that her bootyshorts said 'shameless' and that there was no turning back.
That's okay, during storytime I would have to sit on my hands so I wouldn't touch everyone. Explains a lot...
Good afternoon everyone! Just texting to inform you that Andrew, your emotionally detached man-whore, will be back starting this weekend. Please RSVP.
After I was arrested and in the back of the squad, she lit a cig. I politely stuck my head through the glass opening and asked for a drag. She instantly slammed my head back, blew smoke at me and shut the glass. My view on state trooper chicks is forever tainted.
You know what would make this walk of shame even better? Picking up my cap n gown on the way to my car
I'm at the point where I'm more upset that he got to keep my bottle of Fireball than that he stopped talking to me with no explanation
Also I think I drunkenly signed up to be an uber driver or something because they keep emailing me to fill out a background check
I drank so much that my feet don't feel like my feet
good news, i've got tacos. bad news, kevin's in the ER. more good news, the tacos were free.
I don't like kids.
You were literally holding a baby 5 minutes ago
I like them before they learn to speak and after they learn to think.
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