The worlds most fuckable chipmunk
hey babe thanks for tonight, it was fun.
to be honest, i wanna fuck your friend.
I woke up naked, with 10 visible bite marks and a black eye. I'm just going to assume that it was a good night.
It's happening again. I feel like I'm under water and my heart beat matches "Teenage Wasteland"
she literally hasn't taken the mardi gras beads off in three days. she showered in them. TWICE.
Remember that time we were in the handicap bathroom snorting Molly at the stripclub. That was a defining moment in our friendship
Apparently while trying to get up from vomiting in the toilet I grabbed the seat cover for leverage and smashed my own head between it and the bowl. I don't remember this.
I need to stop getting so excited when a guy unzips his pants and its bigger than my boyfriends. I look like a kid in a candy store.
Don't patronize me, I thought of that on peyote, so it was basically like a message from God.
I never thought my Saturday night would end up with someone crawling around my carpet for 3 hours trying to pick up spilled coke...
I never thought my Saturday night would end up with ME crawling around your carpet for 3 hours trying to save my investment.
I am going to be so excited tomorrow when I find this box of crayons in my purse
I thought 5 times was beyond my capabilities but her tongue was like a penis defibrillator. Clear!
When you get this divorce finalized we're going to mid evil times AND pirate dining adventure. We're gonna find you a couple of real men and make them joust/swashbuckle for your affection. My treat.
I tried to take a cute nude but sneezed halfway through. I sent it anyway
Pretty penis doesn't make up for awkward eye contact.
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