The jonas brothers playing in your laptop. This is why guys won't sleep with you...
i hope chris hansen doesn't have a boat
My mom asked what the mark on my neck was - I told her I burned it with a straightener.
She believed that the monsterous hickey on your neck was a burn?
well, not really. but then i reminded her that my sister has yet to take that pregnancy test and she conviniently forgot about my hickey
The stripper told me she had been working there for eight years, then got mad when I asked if she was trying to make it into mangment. Awkwardest lap dance
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Im beginning to think that if I ever write an autobiography it will have to be mostly fill in the blank.
And then I saw the naval officer and gave up that whole new leaf thing
That's the second time in a week someone has called me to talk drunk you into getting up off the floor. This needs to stop.
I bought everclear. Bring your party pants and some addies
You're not gonna punch me in the face again are you?
Random Survey Question: If things start getting serious with this cop, do I have to stop doing coke?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Appearently I went across the hall last night demanding to ride my neighbors moose... How much did I drink?
Me and my girlfriend were watching porn together..... it got awkward cause I kept getting notifications from my family on Facebook
Sex and bbq. He sure knows how to make a girl feel special
So he has moved up to a stage 5 clinger...Surprised he didn't try to lure you into bed with tacos, like he did last time
Yeah... akward. I don't want a round 2
dude igloo, 4 foot bong, and 3 grams of blue dream. will you be my eskimo buddy?
And I’m prepared, because I'm in it to win it (and by win I mean get railed hard)
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