We sat in your minivan all night in a parking lot pretending we were in the magic school bus going to the sun
Nada. Shooting off confetti and wanted to see I'd u could see it from ur house.
Wow. Its not even 11am.
I can see why you broke up with her now... it was like having sex with a corpse.
well the hot one passed out so thats that, but then the fat one made chicken nuggets....totally worth it
Do you think if I puke at the gym they think is because I'm going hard walking on the treadmill?
i just had a pap smear and two shots. lets hit the beach.
At what point would you like us to save you from yourself?
her tits were more amazing then brown bears with armor and guns that fire bullets of Justice that destroys inequality.
He just took a bite of each taco bell burrito and hid them throughout my apartment. this was 2 weeks ago and have found 30 burritos so far
I didn't know where we were going to start fucking, so I just strategically hid condoms all over the house before he came over.
She needs sedatives and a leash
Yeah, so, that moment when the repair guy comes in and you see your cock ring on the counter one second before he does.
I woke up with what has to be a whole pack of smarties loose in my bra. Was that your fault?
I'm not gonna lie, but for some reason I have this strong desire to watch porn with my pint of haagen das.
If you need me I'll be in the hospital involving super glue and fake eyelashes.
Randomize
