Chicken burrito, or no deal.
Is that code for my vagina?
Who the fuck has ever referred to a vagina as a chicken burrito
Funny thing- my attraction to each one is inversely proportional to his level of availability.
I feel so much closer to you now that I heard your poop splash into the toilet.
just wondering who decided to put a cup of throw up in my fridge
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He would stand there for a few seconds with a blank look on his face then randomly start running full sprint towards macdonalds. We'd catch him and he'd promise to stop so we'd let him go and he'd do it again.
I keep calling his kid the wring name. This is not helping my cause. And by cause mean his dick
if you really don't think our country's going to shit think of this. Exactly one year from now I will either be in law school or teaching young, impressionable kids, maybe even yours. Try to sleep after that.
She's the one that asked you what my favorite color was & handed you a piece of bacon
Our house almost burnt down last night. I woke up at 4:10am to the smoke alarm going off bc the bean bag chair was on fire so i extinguished it and smoked a bowl at 4:20 to celebrate my fire extinguishing abilities
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It's only Tuesday and I just measured and checked to see if my 6'5 Friday booty call will fit in the back of my jeep comfortably.
DID YOU REALLY JUST GIVE ME A FIRST BASE SIGN
Why do I have a separate credit card just for booze? Because I saved enough points so Saturday we are flying to Denver to smoke legal weed and fly back in the same day.
We just had sex in the shed while having a conversation about cheeseburgers...so that's how my day is going
i just used a selfie stick to take an ass pic. i hate myself.
Is it bad that I'm not at all bothered by the fact that to some people I'm simply known as the girl that takes her shirt off?
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