a guy named alex was hitting on my friend tonight. he doesnt work on wind turbines tho.
you were the other women for BOTH people in the relationship?
I just had a cup of orange juice and thought it didnt taste right. It didnt have vodka in it.
I went to check the drunk texts i sent last night but my phone deleted them already. Even my phone is ashamed.
Got blown by one of the bridesmaids. Family BBQ today. They all know. Talk about awkward.
Some guy just delivered flowers to my roommate cause he fell off a roof onto her at a party last night. I think they have a date tomorrow.
there's sperm and chicken noodle soup everywhere
I just remember being in the bathroom alone cussing out the bunny
we can fight about whose fault it is later....naked.
The last thing I remember was riding in a grocery cart with two strangers while a cop pushed us
How do I say "I still wanna hook up w you but I don't wanna see your penis via text ever again" through a snapchat
I peed my pants and am still dancing with guys at the club because I liked my outfit too much to change. Call the ratchet emergency
I hope you have irresponsible drunk insurance because you're about to pay a deductible
BUT DID YOU RIDE THAT DICK INTO THE SUNSET THO?
Being forward is somethimes a problems. Like in sexual deity Kong.
I think you’re losing coherence.
I am
Randomize
