Just spent 45mins blow drying a joint i dropped in a beer....i felt like i dropped his infant child....
I only had sex with her cause she looked like jwoww from jersey shore
I just woke up to me licking the dognuts
You mean Doughnuts?
......No :(
She forced me to throw up so it would "rejuvenate" me. It worked and then we took six more shots and did a keg stand. You know what I call that? Friendship.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Never again will we have slut saturday. Never.
Things I love twice as much when drunk: Taco Bell. Office chairs that roll. Classes.
have the fact that the early bird is danced upon by the prettiest strippers be your motivation
i woke up to banging and pieces of ceiling falling on my face
She just hopped out of the car at a red light to pet the baby Jesus in the nativity scene.
Not worth it.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Drink for every country you've never heard of.
Fuuuuuuuuuck
My mouth taste like pussy and my dad noticed. Hahahaha
Just got into a fight with a trashcan, today is obviously not going to be my day.
I'm so hungover I just peed on my hand and left it, didn't wash... Killin it in 2915
People are talking politics and I have had 9 mimosas
I just had mom give me advice about how and where to store my lube in my shower. It was super awkward. Of course, she also walked in on me masturbating once so I guess turnabout is fair play
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