May have finally hit rock bottom...bouncer from the strip club informed me I wore the same shirt last night
If he eats mayonnaise, he's not getting laid. End of story.
If I was on drugs, this would be amazing
I wish that guy wasn't missing teeth
I'm so hungover even the car commercials make me nauseas
No jewlry, no bra, and no pen. I couldnt be more prepared for a friday morning class.
I just had my first experience getting hit on by a guy. It was really awkward, he touched my chest and invited me to a gay bar because "women get drunk and let their guard down at gay bars"
thats actually pretty good logic
He's drunk and putting on a tie for the jimmy john's delivery guy
"Home for the holidays" isn't clearance to fuck the recently 18 year old high schooler right?
Nope, his last birthday was.
Just made a drunk dude do 20 push-ups. In the parking lot of the bar tonight for a keystone light I found in the back of my truck.
Oh yum
ARE YOU THINKING VAGINA THEMED RESTAURANT
come over. We can flirt with the criteria for substance abuse and talk about our daddy issues
When your hungover saltines taste like hope...
My friend Julia's mom just called her to say she got a puzzle in the mail made of cheese and when she put it together it spelled FUCK YOU and she doesn't know who it's from.
He's the douchy one who wouldn't let me rip his shirt off, right?
Randomize
