have you facebook stalked him yet?
No, I don’t know his last name...
Just google his license plate numb
do you ever lay in the bath and watch the blood hit the water?
EWW. Don't discuss your period with me. You can go shave your back now.
your brother is wearing shin guards in the swimming pool. i have a feeling that this happens often
Just so you know, if you are not feeling well today it's cause you drank a gatorade bottle full of highlighter fluid.
They sat me on college avenue with a puke bucket and people were mistakenly throwing change in it. Got me enough money take a cab back to my apartment.
Would you and/or him be willing to dress up like the phantom, sing me music of the night and then bone the shit out of me? this is important.
I faked an orgasm during phone sex last night. This relationship is starting to become real.
Guess I was throwing darts at a patrons head last night, lol! Black out
I'm so high that I'm intently watching my neighbor move his car back and forth in order to put his motorcycle in the garage, and getting irritated that it seems so complicated.
Walked in the bathroom at work and my boss was taking a shit with the stall wide open and responded "oh yeah, I forgot you never have been to prison "
im far more worried about your salsa intake than your weed intake
It's like those toothpaste commercials where 4 out of 5 dentists would recommend your vagina
Think of it as a business transaction. That's how I justify all the horrible things I do. Blow my married boss? Just a business transaction.
Why did u text me "I want to get drunk and go to pizza hut tomorrow. don't let me forget." at 3am??
That text was pretty fucking self-explanatory, man.
He sent me a picture of his cock that seemed to indicate that we were still on good terms.
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