My life has hit rock bottom, I'm watching a movie on lifetime about retarded people falling in love. And I'm jealous of their relationship.
yours is so small it looks like an acorn!!
You love popeyes more than me
does delicious chicken come out of your vagina?
I'm eating cereal out of the pocket of my flannel right now
we just plugged the camera up to the big screen. would you like to come see what you did last night, in high definition?
this is your 3rd pregnancy scare in 2 years, I think its time for you to re-evaluate the whole 'im a lesbian' thing
Well I'm just gonna sit here naked in this chair and whatever happens happens
Stolen hampster on my tits. Don't tell me I don't know how to party.
He started going down on me while we were watching Land Before Time.
Incredible.
He just walked from his house to mine. Walked in and asked for a hug and then left.. And he's sober.
MY TITS ARE PERFECTLY CALM.
I would rather her be sleeping with someone new than getting to go Harry Potter world before me...
Did I wash my face last night at your house? Where did my eyebrows go??
Throwing my sister a bisexual bachelorette party was the best idea ever. I made out with both strippers and the hot bartender promised to "gay marry" me if I take him as my date to the wedding.
Have you actually looked at the corn flakes box? I don't think the rooster has a soul.
Randomize
