1:12am: That's just how i roll, and this dress she is wearing is dirty and needs to get pulled over her head.
i kno its fucked up..but id rather sleep it off than seek medical attention right now
im poppin the ladies like they're bacne
she's into porn, im staying here tonight
Girl farted next to me in class and then denied my high five
there was a trail of blood coming out of one of the bathroom stalls. thought of you
Make this decision based on your love for dick - NOT based on the fact that its probably one of the worst things you've ever thought of doing
While you were hooking up with her I pulled you off to make sure you knew what you were doing.
You said you were "testing the product for Chris."
I'm a bad man.
Somebody really needs to come home and pick up the used condom from the middle of the wood room floor. It's blue, if that helps decide who comes - uh, home.
I just took the soggiest of beer shits and all i have to eat is shredded cheese and more beer. I need an adult.
Do you remember telling the Uber driver that "his cologne makes you want to bone"?
The main motivators in my life are my sex drive and spite
Currently rolling a blunt in the bathroom of Planned Parenthood
Opening my shipments of mascara and nipple pasties this morning like a boss bitch
The more drunk I get the more I want to steal a lamb
What would be the possible repercussions of lamb theft
Randomize
