Just fyi NOT a good idea to drunkenly insert your NuvaRing after chopping jalepeno peppers
I have a running excel spreadsheet detailing the number of shots in a night and subsequent ability to masturbate
dude, i think we just came across a situation where tits weren't worth it.
My mom just set up beer pong in the dining room for family game night. and you ask why I'm still living at home.
told weddin planner we wanted to work in ceremonial body shots before vows. she hasnt reponded yet...
His idea of romance is drunkenly leaving me dead dandelions on my car in the middle of the night
We couldn't find him for like 4 hours. Turns out he was sitting under a tree and had thrown his phone in a lake because he couldn't figure out how to unlock it. Freshmen.
You peed up the stairs in front of everyone then blamed it on the dog
Boise Idaho, where you have a one night stand with someone from your town 3 states away and run into them the day you return...
Do you understand how hard it is to go down on a guy underwater? Didn't think so....
you slapped the bag of goldfish out of her hands and screamed, "BITCH THIS AINT NO AQUARIUM". That's how fucked up
Below this exterior of ice is a layer of cum. Followed by a pool of gin. More cum. Then, finally a heart.
I was just dry heaving outside of the Chem building when a guided tour walked by. Welcome to the Maritimes kids...
He spent three years trying to get a chance with me and finally broke me down. then he came in two minutes and was so upset he locked himself in the bathroom so I helped myself to his weed and left. Wanna get stoned?
Damn. Looks like nobody I know is doing anything interesting. Guess it's another slut-it-up-with-strangers sort of night.
Randomize
