Just FYI I rubbed poison oak on all your sheets and blankets so we all will know who you hooked up with (in about a day)
I miss Bob Barker.
Yeah, more like Douche Carey...
explain the missing patches of hair on my cat. now.
Pissing in la rieve gfox. Jer zsyuis diu drunk but it felt amazunbg
Dans le librearie ivetre. Hjhaha
he brought me knee pads...is that sweet or weird?
No, we talked about it. They're cool with me living here as long as I sleep with them both.
You're a rent hooker.
I want to let you in on my two latest life goals. Have a photograph of me squirting whipped cream into a midget's mouth, and have sex on a roof.
Just remembered seeing jalepenos in my vomit last night. Reminded me to thank you for sharing your queso with me. You're a good friend.
I was about to smoke a bunch of weed and lay naked while I cried all day
Just found the last picture of me as a virgin. Framed it.
also please imagine me hopping a fence at 3am using two chairs. It was a shit show. K's guy practically ripped her off the top of the fence bc she got semi stuck. It was like watching Disney on Bud Ice.
But how do I turn off the feelings though?
Vodka.
But there's never enough margarita money.
This is going to be one of those situations where we lose a day, isn't it
i don't find him as attractive when he's dressed as himself...bring back Indiana jones and I would so fuck him again
Based on my calculations, I should be blackout by approximately 11:14pm and that's when I need you to take my phone away from me. Mkay?
Randomize
