I like complaining with weaving words and complex sentences. It makes me seem more sophisticated and less bitchy.
Well i have to fuck at least one of your roommates this year to keep the tradition alive.
Harry Potter. Singing. Sobering up. In that order.
i will see naked twins by the end of the night. that's all i know
I'd like to introduce you to my friend, Moderation. Enjoy each other's company this weekend.
Your friend and I already don't get along
I don't think you seem to understand this concept. WHEN A GAY GUY HANDS YOU A DAIQUIRI, YOU DRINK IT.
officially christened the dorm room by sucking my spilled drink off the floor. tastes like homee
I really want to shower but i'm afraid i'll sober up. My mouth feels like a stripper pole too...
I have their Unicorn picture in my shirt, and I just threw a Bud Light Platinum bottle through their window. We need to go now.
Judging by your snapchat you're totally working on your project and definitely not singing, "The Sign" while shirtless with another man.
damnit. I just found my cousin on tinder.
I'm going to sleep with this bank teller and I'm going to enjoy it, just try and stop me
You called his parrot a seagull, a pigeon and a rat with wings, and told it to go eat Cheetos out of a dumpster.
Far too many of our conversations end in us talking about sperm
I just watched a squirrel take down a snake,life isn't so bad after all.
Randomize
