Pretending to care about her feelings is becoming a full time job
No I am not eating basil off your cock
Just remembered I hit myself in the face with a bottle then did the nose test and decided I was still good. Don't think anyone noticed.
There were four people in the car. The girls sure know how to blow. I think we almost crashed when the driver climaxed.
Smoked before work and just remembered i left pringles in my desk last time i was high. SCORE
drunk caitlyn doesn't know how to work gmail. so know an email has been sent to the entire campus with a picture of me naked eating a bagel attached.
I mean, with your nipple problem im surprised. #hangacoatonem
he told me he had a dream that he laid his head in my lap and silently gazed up at me. WHY AM I ALWAYS THE DUDE IN RELATIONSHIPS
May he have a McRib induced stroke and lose the feeling in his tastebuds.
Btw, remind me to tell you about how I had to cancel my crazy wild sex plans with Will b/c my roommate came back from his trip after a day b/c Canada wouldn't let him in. Fucking cockblock.
Actually that's the whole story. You don't have to remind me.
last night we watched this really loud chick try and pick up this smoking french guy who's english was sooo bad. she finally pointed at her beer and then her vagine
gross
like you've never done an interperative dance for sex, please
I just don't understand why we can't have sex in the house. I'll come see you but I'll have to think about the barn thing.
But like, I don't remember getting hit with the door... I just come out from peeing and there was blood running down my face.
i just turned on my printer and found 10 pounds of german chocolate inside. i think i found where you hid your candy last night
Can you get an STD by sharing underwear? Walk of shamed home and realized I was wearing someone else’s panties
No one knows. This doesn’t happen to normal people.
Randomize
