I think I just sold my virginity for plane tickets
Woke to a half burnt 20 in my pocket, covered in mud, clothes all wet, so im assuming I didn't use that 20 you gave me for a taxi
He only dropped the Russian accent after we started having sex.
The usual, bring face make up, I have a weird gash on my nose, probably from my one night stand
It probably isn't a good idea to go home with last night's hookup's brother. And sister.
Probably is probably an understatement.
Reached a new low. Drinking Wine from my thermos while on the stair master.
I puked walking onto the plane. How do you think my post-Birthday hangover went?
Jesus horatio Christ I forgot my mittens and am considering shoving my hands down the pants of the first semi attractive man I see
mhmm. we know where to go, which places have free bathrooms, how long you can be in one until its sketchy, we have this down to a science. we're like the college sophomore pregaming dream team
In hindsight combining orgy Thursday with mystery drink madness was begging for failure
I'm going to three dry weddings this month. I'm flashing three dry weddings this month
I'm currently sitting at your kitchen table eating chicken nuggets that I dug out of the trash and thinking about how much I need to get laid.
I'm not dropping acid and watching game of thrones with you. That just sounds like a disaster waiting to happen.
I force fed him french fries and then proceeded to tell him how sexy corgi’s are … it’s safe to say he’s not texting me for a second date.
my mom is feeding me weed brownies...god help us
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