sitting with a guy who's looking at the cum stains on the bed. Do you think he's convinced it's from the cat?
No. He thinks you're slutty.
my drunk step mom just informed me my dad likes reverse cowgirl. Please god kill me.
Why did u sent me a picture of a dead horse?
i could hear you having sex and was jealous, wanted to kill the mood
All I remember from last night is puking up a box of cheeze-its and the building catching on fire.
I have a sudden craving for National Treasure 2. THIS IS WHY DRUGS ARE AWESOME
youre not allowed to be friends with girls ive double teamed. period.
Bad news? she threw her drink in his face, left her phone at the club, and disappeared. I found her laying in bed with the bottle she stole from our VIP service. Good news is she's asleep and I have the bottle, come home
I pulled some girls weeve trying to pull the stop cord on the bus
I planned on emotionally scarring him for life this weekend. DAMN YOU PERIOD!
also Jesus you really need to change your diet. I just washed your baby gravy out of my hair and it's so acidic my hair is damaged. You have killer sperm
Your shoe was in the washing machine. I have it in my pocket. My phone rang before and I answered your shoe. Meet me at the bar in 10.
I just want to emotionally destroy him but also find out how big his dick is so this is perfect
Like do I send him a nude to ease his mind off his brother having a stroke? I'm not very good with words when it comes to consoling... I would be a terrible mother.
its 2pm and were already starting beer pong...its gonna be a good night
That confirms what we've all known all along. I'm a bad gay. I have no fashion sense.
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