I hate you, and I hope you have babies soon that you love very much. Then I will steal them and feed them to sharks, and you will be so heart broken that you never want to have any more kids and you'll just hide out in a dark room all day wondering how someone could feed another persons babies to sharks.
I'm a big fan of 2 things right now: 1) Gatorade and 2) the fetal position
Its a sad day when your bush has a better set of hair than you do
this is like black Friday for my dealer. I'm literally standing in line.
I'm just trying to jam my tits into some coconuts and I'll be on my way
I can't believe you broke a Paula dean wooden spoon over my ass
let's see, i ended up walking for an hour towards a macdonalds that didnt exist, sprinted full tilt into a powerline, and left a 30 dollar tip to a waitress at dennys we made friends with. I REGRET NOTHING
It's just good to know that when I drink like a twenty year old I still act like one.
did i really sing to your nipples last night?
yes. and it was oddly very seductive
The only excuse this guy at the club had for trying to make out with me as soon as I met him was "I AM FROM MEXICOOO"
I swear I can feel something in my uterus. Like, I can feel his sperm searching for an egg. Wtf...
Props to you. You took the bet seriously. Making out with her for an hour right after she spewed
Hey guys.. So I accidentally broke the front door last night
My neighbors are white girl rapping to Hamilton again...
It's has to do with my genitals. Don't ask.
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