How do you jack off and text at the same time?
On my iPhone they have an app for that
saw my dad's penis on the x-ray last night. at least his hip wasn't broken
no you went to jail because you don't know how to whisper when offering a cop a blow job. I'm sure him having a chick partner didn't help.
Can vaginas get frostbite?
Listen it's no longer the walk of shame to class when ur leaving the frat house and the brothers ask "when are coming back home"
Was banging my ex last night when his roommate walked in... We kept going. #goaheadandwatch
Charles Manson is Getting Married and I stare down at my tits and wonder how I am possibly single.
I forgot to lock the bathroom door. He walked in, saw me on the toliet, nodded, and walked back out.
I am so not sober enough to have a 5 minute conversation in Spanish
What is it about fresh air and wanting to talk about penises
And since we used to fuck you are absolutely obligated to like my tweets
I just fuked with kevins application and made it say that he does conjugal visits for community service
hey some people donate their time while apparently kevin donates his body
Can you confirm that you aren't dead?
Can I borrow your pants?
WTH?
Just come to the men’s room and help me. The blonde bartender figured out I’m married. Rachel will definitely notice if come home pantsless
I’m calling dibs!
You can’t call dibs on dick. That’s free range dick. May the best vagina win!
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