I think I deserve the nobel peace prize for discovering that one should smoke before drinking instead of drinking before smoking.
he aplogized for the shitty sex and called me "ma'am" when he did it. And he wants redemption sex. Gah I love southern gentlemen.
Staying in I think. Boyfriend has domesticated me. I'm making eggs naked right now. Also really high.
Hey got that picture this morning. 1. clean your room 2.what happened to your nail? and 3. your penis is amazing,.
I took us ten minutes to realize the shower sex going upstairs was the reason the kitchen ceiling was flooding.
As hard as i've been partying lately their gonna have to revoke my organ donor status
We broke into the space center. If i go to jail I wanted to tell you, you have a fantastic dick. Use it wisely.
You told them that the brownies were safe, and then pointed to a passed out Ryan and said "see?"
Just did a keg stand the dropped my phone in the toilet. Sorry for partying.
You did a keg stand on the toilet?!
you said you couldn't hang because you had to masturbate and feed your lizard
Ive already seen two fights and a clown urinating in the middle of the street. Hello Halloween 2014.
I just got back like 5 minutes ago, I have two champagne bottles that I carried with me on the train home and a Dunkin donuts coffee cup full of stolen butter, I've been in a windowless room for the last 6 hours, time does not exist
what is your life
Free champagne that's what
Since when do my one night stands start sending you friend requests?
Im crying watching 9/11 footage eating spray can cheese in my pajamas.
My penis is lonely
So is my ring finger
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