There was a lot of him and a little penis
I wish a night of watching Dear John and a bottle of wine could cure my herpes.
Oh you have a half-brother? Why that's right up my alley! Let's cause family strife
Tearing families apart since 2011.
She rode an inflatable shark down the stairs. Viva shark week.
Would be in best interest to sanitize the DVDs
I threw up in a Buffalo Wild Wings and then got a high-five. I really don't understand America
I knew no one else would have gone along with it since it's morally wrong and probably illegal. You said, "Yes. And let's add fireworks."
also my alarm just went off. I am always amused at what time drunk me decides to wake up.
He'll only communicate through snapchat with pictures of him holding his cat or his dick. Bit of Russian roulette opening them in public but I did it anyway.
So don't be alarmed when you go into your bathroom, he's sleeping in the tub with your brothers dinosaurs. also I'll clean up the sticky floor later. (you don't wanna know)
I can't believe i lost my ID... bringing my birth certificate to the club was a weird experience
Don't be offended, the only thing I'm attracted to right now is snack cakes and chicken wings.
this periodpocalypse needs to be over. I need head
Just spilled beer all over my bed. Should cut myself off, but instead I just took my shirt off and used it as a towel.
I woke up in a warehouse with the words “Property of Adam” written on my chest in frosting.
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