It's amazing how much jurassic park has contributed to my life recently
I just had a 2 1/2 hr conversation about the pros and cons of taping your ballsack to your taint, which then led into the unveilling of lady gaga being a hermaphrodite.
My birth control alarm gets more depressing every night.
Did you know the Dallas Cowboy cheerleaders have an exercise show ON Demand? Yeah, I had a lonely night
keep it on the DL tho cause i dont want it getting out and it coming off like i kidnapped her or something
She was so loose she sounded like a jar of salsa. I didn't know that was even possible.
I don't know why people felt they couldn't use the toilet with me passed out in the tub. I shut the curtain. It was like being in another room.
I came home ate all of my roomates poptarts and then vommited on her duvet cover. I don't think today is the day to suggest the whole "sex instead of rent money" idea
Going out so taking the 2nd 1/2 of beer w/ me ont'tube in a Pringles tube. I give money to people on the street that have more self respect.
I found a bag of weed while packing. Now packing is like creating tiny universes inside of boxes.
god. I was just thinkin about the fact that there was a time in our life when we didn't drink.
Either I'm paranoid or I swear my parents rigged my house so you can never sneak in or have the munchies without being loud.
while on the topic of showers...why is there apple juice in our bathtub?
My mom is coming to visit today & it's giving me anxiety. I feel like she can see through me & into the whore I've become.
I've been trying to fall asleep with ice packs covering my vagina for the last hour... Sorry for being vulgar. I'm going to kill myself.
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