I like how you try to look sexy and just end up looking like a weird boy.
four guys that i have slept with have come into my job today. FOUR. i feel like it's like bring your sex partners to work day.
The djing cat is back again. I think he just makes appearances when im shit drunk just to fuck with my mind.
Did you just buzz the apartment and throw shit at the window? Josh and rob came into my room and woke me up
Fuck you Ian. U owe me $3.65 cuz thasts what I thfrew at ur window trying to wake ur ass up. And fuck u for not giving a shit
It was like something out of a fucked up fairy tale. He just crowdsurfed over to her while riding a keg, said "come sail with me", and then the crowd carried them off into the night. What.
I just ran into the woods like an idiot because ADVENTURE.
Like, she can be the shepard of the gays. Delivering him unto homosexuality.
Drunkenly making hamburger helper. I just whispered "I can't wait to have you in my mouth."
Dude, I just hit your nipple with a bottle of lube while you were wearing a shirt, 10 feet away without my glasses and I only have "not bad" aim?
Having sex with him is like eating mayo. Don't think about it, just do it. It's worth it.
I just want a simple guy who likes cats, tattoos, and doing coke off my tits.
You were leaning against a fire hydrant asking people if they wanted to buy free pocket peanuts from you.
He's got a big dick, a steady job and tells me I'm pretty. There is litterally nothing else I look for I a guy.
Holy. Shit. I just remembered all the lapdances....
That ass isn’t going to eat itself.
Randomize
