so i woke up to her 8 year old asking for a bowl of cereal...
I'm at his house. He has VELCRO shoes. I'm too desperate to leave...I may need help in thee life dept
sitting with a guy who's looking at the cum stains on the bed. Do you think he's convinced it's from the cat?
No. He thinks you're slutty.
never have i ever had a craving for dick this badly
no you cant smoke seaweed
Just registered some guy for opium withdrawals. WTF opium withdrawals, who does opium anymore.
drinking out of a sandbucket again
four loko is officially banned. leave it to the kids from a state school to fuck it up for everyone
Chef at hibachi place learned it was my bday and sprayed 20 second count worth of saki in my mouth. Not sure it was the right image to share with my kids, but thought you'd be proud.
I just lit a candle in my room using axe and a lighter, that's how bored I am. Let's get schwasted.
Did we smoke in a portapotty last night? And if so, do you think the brown stuff covering my body is actually dirt?
Yeah. I found my shirt from last night while walking back to the bar to get my purse/phone this morning. I'm never going to even ask what actually happened. Be glad you moved 7 states away.
I COULD CUT A FUCKING DIAMOND WITH MY RIGHT NIPPLE RIGHT NOW HOLY FUCK
Hiding in a kitchen with no pants orange juice abs a pillow...please joun
I haye tequella
I'm not sure what happened. There's a frozen waffle in the floor and he's walking around with a curtain rod and making planes out of bread slices...
Randomize
